7 reasons not to want a vampire boyfriend

It's because I don't get TWILIGHT. I know it's a contemporary classic. Hard as I try, though, I can't understand why anybody would want a vampire boyfriend. They can't keep you warm at night and I don't even want to imagine what it's like to kiss one.

So, here are 7 reasons not to want a vampire boyfriend:

1. Ashton Kutcher is not a vampire.
2. Josh Holloway is not a vampire.
3. Ryan Gosling - not a vampire.
4. Josh Lucas - not, either.
5. Wentworth Miller - ditto.
6. 
   Ashton Kutcher - just have to mention him twice.
7. And, most importantly, who wants Edward when you can have Jacob?